Walmart

Walmart. The mere name conjures up images of cheap wares and that bouncy yellow smiling face, slashing prices. Right?

That used to be the case for me, at least. Since the Powers That Be at Walmart decided to build one less than a mile from our house, we have been spending more time there than we ever anticipated we would. Other than loving the price cutting yellow face, Walmart is where I go on days when I am at home alone with the boys. Yes, I take them to walk around Walmart just to get out of the house. (Oh, the horror! I take them into a huge megastore instead of outdoors? I sure do, and I don't feel bad about it. I used to take them outside in the stroller in the mornings, but it's getting pretty damn hot out there). Normally we cruise around the aisles, staring and drooling on ourselves, but lately our Walmart trips have become a little game of bobbing and weaving down the aisles. Why? To avoid people. You see, twins have a weird celebrity-esque status, and a set of twins in the baby phase apparently is the equivalent of Brangelina. Can't turn a corner without people stopping to ask questions or make comments. The first few women at Walmart that stop me doesn't bother me, it's # 4-22 that get to be a bit much.

Here is a sampling of the questions we're asked:

Is it hard? I usually just answer this by staring back at her as I am frantically searching for a pacifier, burp cloth, or some other item to either shut a baby's mouth or clean up what came out of the mouth. As I walk away, I wonder...did she ask that because I'm not wearing any make-up, my hair looks like a huge afro and my shoes don't match? In my defense, black and navy flip-flops made by the same manufacturer look the same in a dark closet.

Are they identical? I try not to use the voice I used to reserve for the dumb kids in my class when I say no. I realize that they both look like two chunky babies, but they do have different color hair and face shapes....so...perhaps the stupid-kid voice is well deserved?

Boy-Girl? Someday we will chuckle about the number of times people assumed Cole was a girl. He does have an adorable cherub face with big eyes and a cute little mouth, but he's dressed in blue 90% of the time, so....no, they're both boys. No one ever assumes Grady is a girl, interestingly enough.

How do you do it? I've been waiting to use this picture, it makes me chuckle each time I see it. Am I a lush? No. But I do know that Keith and I would never have gotten this far into parenting without the help and support of our sets parents, my sister and a few bottles of this stuff.

So, if you see me at Walmart, please don't be offended if I make a sharp right and cut down an aisle filled with items I would never buy. If I stop to engage in some mindless chatter, the baby who is at the time in the Bjorn carrier will start kicking me, much like a jockey might kick its horse to get it to keep it moving. It seems the babies don't like the questions either.